This Can't Be Happening (But It Is)

The man - er, I was assuming he was a guy at least - was short, grey, and hairy. He had enormous, cat-like ears on either side of his head with tufts of white hair protruding from them. He also had horns, which was a little confusing, like goat-horns and in his muzzle there gleamed the decaying remnants of a predator's bite. Even though there was a thick blue-grey fur that grew all over him, he was clad in a thick matted mess of dark blue fur cloak thing. No shoes. Guess you don't need them when you've got like paws and stuff. The creepiest part about this guy? I mean, beside his pure white fu-manchu beard thing? Was his hands. Yeah, hands. They were long and there wasn't as much hair on them. Each of his four long fingers ended in a small and vicious black claw, and where the hair didn't grow on the palms of his hands his skin was very nearly the same color as mine.

Needless to say, we all stayed rather speechless for a bit as we took him in. And this creature, whatever he was, knew. He knew we'd need that time and he let us look, grinning that feral and somehow also slightly senile smile of his. Amusement danced in his dark eyes as he watched us back, calculating and shrewd.

Finally, the silence was broken.
"Excuse me?" Val was the only one who could shut her jaw long enough to find the words. Me? I continued trying very hard not to go into shock.
"You're new home. Well, not here, here, but here. The Danaan," he said as he looked at each of us in turn, that kooky, creepy smile still on his face. "The World Betwixt? The resting place of the Sidhe and the Garden of Twilight?" His smile faded as he stared at our uncomprehending looks.
From far away in my brain I heard a bell go off though, and before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Wait. Like... Fairyland or something?"
The old whatever-he-was cringed and stared straight at me, narrowing his eyes: "Something like that."

And then I cringed. And that was apparently all she wrote. Stephanie had fainted - she was always told that she was too logical too exist, this must have been really hard on her. Val was glaring dumbly at the ground, as if it was all too much to take in and Dan was doing his best to put his head between his legs even though his hands were tied behind him.

I thought to myself, this is when I should be freaking out. My entire reality has just been destroyed and everything I know to be true about the physical world may just have been shattered. But I wasn't freaking out. Okay, I was freaking out, but not as much as I should have been. Why wasn't I freaking out more?

And then it came to me. You see, I read far too many fantasy adventure novels as a child, and even up to my adult years, and I spent the first 3/4 of my life wishing that something like that would happen to me, wishing for an adventure or magic or something. I'd always imagined dragons and princes and superpowers. I'd always felt like there was something missing from my life, like I should be doing something, like I had some greater purpose. But there are plenty of people just like me who think those exact same things. At some point you just have to give up and realize that fantasy is just that: fantasy and fairy tales aren't real. Adventure doesn't exist anymore and it will never come knocking at your door.

Apparently it'll come knocking at your skull though.

So yes, I was tired. Yes, my head hurt and we were lost and my mom was probably freaking out. Yes, my friends were each doing their best not to go into a vegetable state from the shocking final straw (i.e. monster guy & "Fairyland"). But this confrontation with our new state of being was not going to leave me rocking back and forth mumbling something about the boogeyman on the dirt of the cave floor.

So it was with that thought that I raised my chin, stopped most of the trembling that had begun in my arms and legs and looked him right in the eye. "Why are we tied up?"

The entire time my own personal enlightenment had been happening (and my friends' own personal nervous breakdowns) the creature had looked at each one of us in turn, smiling widely at everyone except me. He had been looking at me twice as much and frowning twice as much. When I asked him my question, he looked at me, sighed and then made a motion with his free right hand. There was a cracking sound from above, and I looked up to watch as one of the many sharp and pointy stalagtites from far above us cracked and pierced the dirt floor of the cave next to the creature. He set the lamp down next to it, grumbling, and then sat on the flattened top of the stalagtite where it had broken loose from above.

I stared, open-mouthed, first at him, then at the stalagtites above all of us, then at him again. He was sitting there with this smug grin and a mean glint in his eyes.

"You're confused. That's natural. Its not everyday that you're in Danaan. I can understand that. But I think you should know just what a pleasant host you've got while you're under my watch." He smiled and his voice took on that of one who is speaking to children, or kittens. "I will not beat you uneccesarily. I will feed you two meals a day. I will keep the wild things from getting at you. I will not gag you and I may encourage questions at times. And if you're very lucky, I might even regale you with some of my stories." The others had quieted down by now and we were all looking at him with wide eyes. He met each of ours in turn again, as if to make sure that we understood the seriousness of his tone. "But make no mistake: you are not my guests. I take you to be sold in the city as pets. You are not my equal, nor any other's. You may be a friend. But never forget: as long as you are with me, I am your master and you are mine to do with what I will."

He emitted a quiet giggle into the deafening silence following his words, and then his face grew somber once more in mock-seriousness.

"And someday, someday very soon if we're all lucky, you will become another's pets. Which brings me to my conclusion and the answer to your question: until you can be sold into the pet industry as some rich little fey's amusing toy, you'll have to learn obedience. So I am also here to train you and love you as if you were my very own."

He smiled again, a veral, deadly smile, as he looked at our blank and uncomprehending faces. "Now, you all look so tired from being captured in the wild, why don't I leave you for the night. I'm sure you ate yesterday and I haven't finished gathering your food yet, so I'm afraid you'll just have to look forward to a nice hearty meal tomorrow morning instead. As soon as you're able then, we'll be leaving."

With that, the creature slowly got off his makeshift stool and dusted himself off, then picked up the lamp with his left hand and gestured at the stool with his right. As it crumbled into gravel, he started off down the cave, taking the light with him. Before he'd gotten out of our general room-thing, he turned though, a thoughtful look on his, er, face.

"Oh yes. Before I forget, I want you to meet the rest of my staff. This," here he gestured behind him vaguely into the darkness, out of which stepped a GIANT BOULDER MAN and said, "Is Grall. He's somewhat mindless but totally loyal. He'll be just outside your area should you need anything. Not that he understands anything other than Crystalline, but there you have it." The furry bastard took a few more steps away, illuminating the massive nightmare rock man and then turned again.

"Oh and I am called Mosrot."

And then Mosrot strode purposefully down the cave, intensely furry blue-grey tail swinging and giant monolithic moutain guy, Grall, followed just behind him.

I followed the light with my eyes until it disappeared and we were left in semidarkness again. Slowly my eyes got used to the half-light of the glowing moss that encompassed several of the stalagtites up above, and I turned to the sounds of someone puking onto the floor not far enough away from me.

"Dan?" I asked.
"Yeah." He managed to get out between dry heaves.
"You okay?"
"Oh yeah," he said before retching some more. "We're just trapped in fairyland with a crazy monster guy who looks like he could be something out of 'Where the Wild Things Are' who also has a friend the MASSIVE WALKING ROCK PERSON. I'm fine though, just peachy. How're you?"
"This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening." Stephanie was laying on her side again, just repeating that to herself.
"This might actually be happening Stephanie," I said. I was freaked, no time to be anything other than sarcastic.
"Is it possible that we're all just dreaming? Or that I am? And I just smoked some really good or possibly laced weed?" Val asked.
"If it is, its so good that we're all sharing the hallucination with you!" Dan practically screamed. He was breathing hard and for a second I was afraid he'd hyperventillate. He slowed down his breathing though, scooted away from his vomit, and, leaning his head up against the opposite wall, I heard him moan, "I wish I was stoned."

The only one not saying anything was Bran. He'd just been sitting behind, now beside me, quietly taking this all in. I turned to him and found him leaning his head up against the wall too. I watched him for a minute while Stephanie and Val debated the reality vs. hallucination possibilities -- I think they may have thrown mass hysteria in there too -- and his breathing wasn't heavy or shallow. It was deep. He was taking deep calming breaths and I thought it looked as though his eyes were closed.

"Hey," I said softly. His eyes opened and glittered in the mostly darkness as he looked at me.
"Hey," he replied. His lips arced up in the hint of a grin.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Yeah. I'll be fine," he said, smiling a bit more. "You?" He asked.
I laughed. "Its weird but other than the being-sold-into-pet-slavery thing and the being-taken-prisoner thing, I'm doing pretty okay." I watched as something that may have been the fifth cousin twice-removed to a laugh came out of his mouth. "And hey its not like we can't amuse ourselves with our own wit and sarcasm."
He smiled a little and then his face turned somber again. "We're going to figure a way out of this. We're going to figure out a way to escape this. We've got to."
I sighed and felt the beginnings of sleep begin to creep up on me. "Here's hoping."

I guess the adrenaline wore off then, because all I remember is the entire cave and everyone in it just smoothed into one low murmer. Despite the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, I couldn't help falling asleep. The last thing I remember before the comforting darkness took me, were his words.

"We've got to."